So Where's My Freaking Bike? | Winstanley Bike Shop?

Hello Readers and thanks for coming along for the ride. Actually, that statement is not correct because (as you may or may not already now) my bicycle has been destroyed. Perhaps that is an over dramatic way of describing what has happened to it. The truth is the bottom bracket shredded itself on my last outing and the piece of junk is not worth fixing. Yeah, I've got some tools and the ability to remove and replace the busted bits but it is not cost effective. Instead I have elected to put the cash towards my new bike.


Imagine the excitement that raced through my fat and overly hairy body when I placed an order (via the internet) for a brand new road racer. I could barely breathe, but that is simply because I am asthmatic. A couple of puffs on the old inhaler sorted that problem out! That was on the 8/10/2008. I've not even managed a quick croggy (that's a two up on the same bike for you foreign turnips) up the high street since. I did get an email that said the cretins at Winstanley Bikes had placed an order with their supplier for the bike. The day of arrival has been and gone and still no sign of the freaking bike. These guys really are a bunch of fools - if your planning to buy a bike on-line try someone else. It took them 5 days just to place my order with the supplier. I've since done some research and discovered that they are a bunch of brain dead oily urchins living in a disused shack at the back end of Wigan's train station. Feeling wazzed off with these super un-lubricated idiots I began searching for a suitable retailer to get me back on the road. A quick rummage through the search engine brought Bike Outlet to my attention.

This bunch of mammary induced cycle fanatics seemed to be right up my street. Well not literally...but a few hours away in the town of York. It says on their website that you can ask them a question and they will respond in 10 minutes. I tried this, full of confidence that these guys would be able to sort this matter out. So, I asked them if they could get me this bike and how long it would take, also asked if they could check the chain set and cassette was assembled correctly before despatch and pressed send. The on screen (PHP) message said that I had been successful and to reinforce this success the box turned a beautiful shade of cabbage green. 10 minutes passed, I thought they must be busy, an hour past, I thought they really must be busy or maybe doing some in-depth research into locating my requested product. The entire day has now passed with no correspondence from bike outlet. I really do not like being ignored and will not be able to buy a bicycle for them now. So I am now searching for another bicycle retailer. Maybe one day I will be able to place an order for a bicycle and they will just despatch it with a courier. The next day (or at least at some point afterwards) I could un-package the bicycle and ride it for fitness and exercise and to reduce fuel costs and emissions.

Sadly at the moment this all seems very unlikely. My fitness has already suffered...If my laborious forensic research does not locate a suitable retailer soon, I may have to venture into the world and actually find a bike shop! It will be like the old days when people actually went into shops and spoke to people behind counters. It will be strange and I already feel apprehensive, a man with bad breath will then try and give me sound advice based on over 25 years of experience. In a state of absolute panic and a bid to escape his sales pitch I will be leaving on a heritage cycle with front basket, bell, front and rear dynamo lamps and a fitted pump as standard. It's going to be terrible...

Keith Doughnut

This post has been written by an emotional wreck seeking a brand new bicycle. If you have enjoyed this post or made it this far, keep your eyeballs peeled for my adventure of buying a new computer which has already started very badly (very badly indeed).